That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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