your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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