this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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