I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
