well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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