i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
