im having a threesome with these popsicles
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
