I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
