I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
