go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
