I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
