508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize