even my farts smell like vagina
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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