She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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