Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
