Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
