Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
