Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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