Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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