And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
