The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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