kristin has been a bad kristin
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
