he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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