Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
