I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
