My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
