i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
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