found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
