In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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