What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize