how can u be prego again
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
