I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
All the doctor said was why
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
