So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
