i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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