A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
