I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
