FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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