My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
