one two three fourrrrnication!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
