Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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