i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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