So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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