You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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