I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
