I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
