Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
