do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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