In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
