I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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