when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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