The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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