i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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