I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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