why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
