I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
