I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
