Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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