sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
