Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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