You're so nebulous sometimes
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
