Do vagina's smell?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
