I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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