I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
