He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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