Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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