Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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