I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
