some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
